What would you say or do when you’re sat in front of the person who almost killed you and destroyed your life? A man is sat opposite another man, demanding answers to the questions that he puts to him. But will he ever get the answers he is searching for?
At last, I sit in front of him and can look directly into his eyes. He seems completely unfazed by the experience, displaying no emotion at all. He just sits there motionless and stares right back at me. No matter, I’ll let it go, for now. I’ve waited a long time for this opportunity to “talk” to him and I’m not gonna let it pass me by. He almost destroyed my life and I need to know why so that I can gain a sense of justice. “I’m gonna ask you some questions and I’d appreciate answers. I doubt they’re too hard to comprehend, particularly not for someone of your intelligence. I just need answers. Are you ok with that?” I know my tone of voice is demanding and I don’t make any excuse for that. It’s irrelevant though as he doesn’t make any acknowledgement in the slightest. He just sits there motionless and stares right back at me.
Undeterred by the lack of response from him, I continue and launch my first question, no messing around. “So what did you do it? You know, why did you need to break and almost kill me?” Nothing! There is no response at all, not even a flicker of emotion and I am frustrated by it! I don’t let it show though, gotta keep cool. He just sits there saying nothing at all. No problem, I’ll take my time, I’ve got plenty of it on my hands right now. “You told too many lies and people got hurt. I got hurt! You broke and almost killed me! Why? What the hell did I do so wrong that you needed to punish me so much? What did I do to you? Let me understand, let me help you!” Silence! The man doesn’t make a solitary sound, but simply stares at me, unflinching from his gaze. I try a different approach, less direct. “I’m doing ok right now though aren’t I?” Still nothing! “I mean, you haven’t completely held me back that much have you? You didn’t win in the end, I survived!” Again, he just simply stares back at me without offering any reason at all, no defensive argument, nothing. I feel my temper rising.
He sits there, just staring right back at me. I feel like his gaze is penetrating into me, looking for some opportunity to get inside and infect it like a parasite searching for it’s next host. He is unmoving, so devoid of all human emotion. How I hate him right now, how I want to punish him, exact my level of retribution! My mood is turning and I’m sensing the level of anger increasing. How can someone be so astute and un-moving?
The softly, softly approach hasn’t worked, so I change my game plan, more direct. “You tried to destroyed me by hurting others, by attacking them mentally, tormenting them until they turned against me and aggressively attacked me! You wanted to destroy me! You wanted me to destroy myself or put him into a position that others would do that to me! Why?” Again there is no response! He just sits there, staring back at me. His gaze doesn’t waver, his eyes fixing right upon mine, as if searching for some point of entry, seeking to burrow into my soul. He is so cold and unmoving, I wish that I could strike him, hit him so hard that it would inject some sense of feeling, make some connection. But it would be pointless. I wouldn’t gain anything from the action, nothing would be achieved.
Talking to this man has proved a futile experience and I’m more angry, disturbed and emotional than I was before the start of the conversation. I’ve gained nothing, a complete waste of time. He will not crack, he will not speak! Not to me anyway. He just sits there motionless and stares right back at me. No point sitting here talking to this man, one who has no interest in engaging with me. He doesn’t want to make any remote effort to defend himself, to show any reason or logic. I am lost and confused, almost dizzied from the effects of this one sided conversation. I still don’t have any answers and I’m still in the dark!
I’m done, conversation over! I step up from my chair and walk away from the mirror. Maybe one day I’ll try again, who knows?
Featured art courtesy of Shirin Rezaee